Reviews for ‘300′: How to spot a tool

• Lambastes the film for lack of historical accuracy: tool
• Goes too deepy into film’s obvious (almost humorous) homoeroticism: tool
• Complains of realism issues (eg, “Yeah, like the Persians would have fought so hard over that pass”): tool
• Delves into deep sociopolitical parallels with today (eg, “Is this a good movie for a war-weary public?”): tool

Gets it: Gene Seymour, Richard Roeper (in fact, his review is probably the best I’ve read, of any movie in the fanboy action-movie; he completely gets it). Total fucking tools: AO Scott, Kyle Smith.

The movie is a wonder to behold: it is stunning on the eyes in every single frame. The action is bloody and highly kinetic. Just about every line is shouted, arrogant, and laden with suicidal verve.

I enjoyed every moment, save 2: When I offhandedly thought to myself, “Christ, the Spartans are fascist”, and when I totally lost suspension-of-disbelief and thought, “Hey when did Leonidas have time to put eye makeup on?”. But otherwise, this film is glorious, a total wonder.

The shot from the trailer, where the Spartan phalanx pushes the Persians off the cliff? Beautiful. The first big fight, rendered in a kind of grey/bronze/sepia tone, except the bright red of the Spartan cloaks? Beautiful. The fights, frenzied and incredible. Everything by which a comic-book movie, esp. a fanciful one like this, should be judged.